Dear Mr. President,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You are undoubtedly the sexiest President ever; even with age. Don't ever lose that sexy you hear me? Thanks for your continued strive to make progression out of a recession. I will continue to milk out all the government cheese for the meantime. You're America's superhero, and I can't lie, I don't think anyone fills out their uniform quite like you do although your package looks questionable. For someone who's turning 48, you are aging quite gracefully, if I do say so myself. I still do believe I will get the opportunity to stalk meet you one day, and when I do, trust that I shall never wash my hands again unless heavy-duty sh*tting occurs. Keep fighting for this country and restoring what used to be and still has the potential to be great. I pray for your continued guidance and wisdom and just know that us little people down here got your back. Tell Michelle her new hairstyle is FIERCE! Say hi to the kids and kick pet the dog for me (i hate dogs FYI). But smiles all around.

Sincerely,