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Drop That Knowledge for
GL0
at
5:44 PM
So I'm driving through the city like it's nobody's business (taking my lil bro to his b-ball game actually, but that doesn't sound as cool- lol) and i'm coming off this left turn, and you know how you accelerate off a turn? Well i kinda did that a lil too much.. 14mph too much to be exact and was right away spotted by a cop car who clocked me going 49 on a 35. What was worse, is that he was coming down the opposite direction, so like a G, straight up made a U-turn in the middle of the street and immediately proceeds to follow me. The minute i see this through my rear i'm thinkin HOLY SH*T! (and a few other choice words) My brothers game start at 9:00am and it was bout 8:50, and we were about 5 minutes from the school they played at. I look at my brother like damn, there goes your game (oops!) but i don't say it, i just think it as i remain calm so my 8yr old sibling doesn't start to freak out.
As i carry on just below the speed limit (i see the car ahead of me speed off knowing the cops were on the prowl - lucky bastard), i focus on the road and tell my brother to look through his right side mirror and let me know when/if the lights start flashing, because i was too busy keeping track of how slow i was going to worry about whether the lights would start going off. I swear i was reciting all the Bible verses I've ever been taught thinkin "Jesus take the wheel.. LITERALLY! Lol.. But not more than 15 seconds later, i get the dreadful words of my brother that his lights have began flashing.
I still remain cool, because up to this point it was pretty obvious he was after me (making a U-turn in the middle of the road?! smh c'mon now #wheredeydodatat!) To save embarrassment, i pull not on the side, but into this empty lot a lil further off viewing distance from main traffic. I park, wind down my windows, and watch as he struts to my car, chest out, armor on deck. With the most soft-spoken voice you can think of he goes "Hi ma'am! How ya doin?" I say "I'm good officer, thank you" (remembering all prior etiquette learned in Vh1's Charm School *side eye*) He goes "Well I'm stopping you for your speeding ma'am. Do you know the speed limit on this road" I go "Yes sir, i believe its 35" He goes "That's correct and I clocked you at 49. Are you in a hurry somewhere?" I say "Yes actually, I'm very sorry, I was trying to get my little brother to his game at ______ which starts at 9:00." He checks his clock (which reads 8:53ish) and says, "Oh my, that's pretty soon."
So then he tells me to put my hands up and spread em (haha, i wish tho, he was pretty cute *wink*) he asks for my license & registration and all that jazz. At that point, i'm pretty calm, i've played the pity card and expressed my situation, there's no way he's that heartless to make him late for his game and write me up for trying to get my 8 yr old brother somewhere on time. Plus i know i'm clean, have no kind of DUI record (because i've never drank) and so i'm like iite, he gon' see i'm just a regular, good ol', American citizen and let me go.
But all that changed in about 5 minutes when he returns and says the 5 words you NEVER wanna hear a police officer say to you: Please step outside the car. Innately, i start freakin the hell out, like wtf is wrong MF'er (of course i didn't say that tho). I say the only logical thing a person can say, whether innocent or guilty, "is there a problem officer?" and he goes "Well you see here, your license says you're 5'9 and a buck 60, i had to have you step out the car to see for myself, because there is NO WAY IN HELL that you're only 19 years old! I call BS on this one!" I literally had this 5,000 pound relief fall off my shoulders as i laugh and flirtatiously slap his chest *wink* He continues "Your not even 21?? That's so unbelievable! I raise the BS flag on that!"
After a couple more minutes of hot & heavy kissing flirting, he tells me i look good for my age and dress way more mature beyond my years.. which i did, having on a halter top, skinny jeans, hat tipped to the side, and flossed up with gold accessories from head to toe (literally; gold toe rings). So i'm thinkin in my head like dangggg, usually it's the driver that has to flirt with the cop to get out of the ticket, but hey.. works for me!
So much for dressing mature tho *side eye* But you know i do have a soft spot for them Bradley Coopers (see Tall, White, & Handsome below) and this officer was a muscle away from gettin my number, lmaooo i kid, i kid. So i speed drive off and somehow by the time i pull up to the school and look at the clock its 8:59 exactly! God is sooo good, not only did he get me to my brother's game on time, and out of a ticket, but he gave me eye candy for the morning, haha. I serve a loving and merciful God, i tell ya! He is sooo good!
Moral of the Story: Always dress sexy/be courteous to anybody above the law/always have a sob story on deck and ready to tell
P.S. Those who read the play-by-play on Twitter, thanks for the comments, this is the full story in elaborated detail :)
-GL0
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